When you have a child, you (usually) become a huge advocate for that child.
The "Mama Bear" title is a very accurate.
When you have a child with special needs, you (almost always) become an even tougher advocate.
A mama goes from a cute little brown bear who could definitely inflict some damage protecting her cub, to a huge grizzly who could kill with one strike.
Hell hath no fury like a Mama fighting for her kid.
Satan himself has no power over a mother who is defending her child's rights and well-being, especially if that child has special needs.
I've had several people who have supported me in my recent advocacy for Leah.
I've had one friend who expressed hurt by my one of my blog posts.
Even my husband wished I worded things differently.
I understand both concerns and I am sad that I have caused pain.
I did pull that blog post for a few minutes.
But, I reposted it.
It is important to be vocal. It is important to stand for what's right. It is important to never silence yourself when critics criticize. It is important to never give up.
It may be necessary to hurt feelings and bring discomfort to get results.
I am not one to beat around the bush.
I am not one who tip-toe around a situation.
I am not one to carefully choose my words.
I say how I feel, when I feel it, to who I feel what I feel for.
People always know what I'm thinking about a situation.
My love and my admiration are just as obvious as my unhappiness.
I'm an equal opportunities feelings giver. :)
Sometimes I need to use more discretion.
Sometimes I need to take a step back.
Sometimes I need to be less aggressive.
But...
Not this time.
Unless you have a child with special needs, you probably don't understand.
My life is engulfed with fighting for Leah.
In almost every situation of her life, I am advocating for her.
I try not to let her see it, but because advocating for her is such a big part of our lives, I can never completely protect her from it.
And when she does see my advocacy, she knows I am doing it for HER.
When I'm in tears because of the pain I'm feeling for fighting for her, she's the one I turn to to make things better.
Just her presence makes me calm.
Just her love makes me strong.
Just her smile gives me courage to fight harder.
I try to give her the easiest, and most typical childhood I can.
But, she is so much wiser then I am.
She's the one who is making her childhood easier for me.
Even though she can't say it, I know she is proud of me.
I know she is grateful for my efforts.
I know she knows how hard this is for me.
I know she wishes she could take the pain away.
I don't know how I know all of this, but I do.
Because of what I know, I will never give up.
I will always do everything I have to do to give her the best life I can.
The pain I feel, or the pain others feel because of my determination to give her the best life possible, is worth every pang.
Her smile could move mountains.
Her happiness can calm the most nervous soul.
Her spirit is closer to God then any other person I know.
I feel as though we are one; like our spirits are strangely entwined.
I can sense her needs, wants, joy, sadness, and pretty much anything she's feeling as she's feeling it.
It's kinda weird, actually.
I feel the same sorta thing with my other kids, but for some reason my instincts with Leah are different.
I don't know how to explain the difference other then Leah's different.
Maybe it's because she can't express her feelings in words like my other children can.
Maybe my spirit needs to feel hers stronger so I can understand her better.
I dunno.
But that extra feeling also comes with an extra reason to fight.
Uncomfortable and hurt feelings and all.
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