Compromises

Yesterday we had Leah's first CSE meeting.

It started and ended great… but in between was kinda testy.

Just so it's out there- when I am frustrated, or angry, or nervous, my face gets red, my voice gets shaky, and everyone around me can totally feel my emotions.

Especially when it comes to my kids.

I have gained a lot of control of this behavior in the past few years, but it still sits somewhere in my body, just waiting to come out!

And it was out yesterday.

The beginning of the meeting was full of smiles and jokes.

We went over Leah's evaluation results and there was not much surprising information in them.

The therapists were very warm and loving.  They also made sure to let me know that they see greatness in Leah and that they will work very hard to help her get her greatness out. Who can ask for more than that?

(BTW- Leah's social skills are totally age- appropriate or above average J)

We came to agreement on her placement: Integrated Classroom.  Her class will have about a 50/50 split of children with special needs and typical children.  There will be 1  regular education teacher, 1 special education teacher (for 130 minutes a day), and 1 teacher's aid in the classroom at all times.  Leah will have a personal aid to assist with safety concerns during transitions to specials and lunch.  Because of difficulty in scheduling, Leah will have this aid for the entire day, however we will be meeting as a team over the summer to discuss our expectations for the aid because we do NOT want him/her to be constantly at Leah's side.  Leah  does well with independence, and we want her to have the opportunity to be as independent as she can be.

We came to an agreement about the amount of (most) of her therapies.

Then came music therapy (MT).

A little more background- Leah does amazingly well with music therapy!  It has helped her develop confidence, strengthen her social skills, follow directions, share, take turns, increase her sentence abilities, and her articulation.

Every one of her current therapists comment about the growth in Leah's abilities when music is involved.

I have been strongly encouraged to advocate for MT even though our district currently does not contract with a music therapist.  The consensus is that MT is essential to helping Leah succeed.

After everything else was settled, I asked about music therapy.

CSE Chair- "We do not contract with a music therapist. It will take a long time to get a contract with one, but it can be done. However, Leah is already out of the classroom so much with her therapies, I don't think it would be good for her to add to her time away from the class.

Me- "You're right, she is out of the classroom a lot, but I wanted her MT to be pushed in."

Face getting red.

CSE Chair- "We will not have MT pushed in. If she has it, it will be pulled-out. We will not take away from curriculum time for MT. There is no way we will be able to have a music therapist in the classroom."

Blood pressure starting to rise.

Me- "That's not ok. You're telling me that you do not have 30 minutes a week to give in the classroom for MT? Music therapy would be for Leah specifically, but all of the children would benefit from it."

CSE Chair- "This service would be for your daughter, not for the classroom.  I cannot speak for the other children in the classroom. I don't know if the parent's would approve."

Voice starting to shake.

Me- "This is a blended classroom.  Do the parents not know that their children are in this type of classroom? I have had two other children in integrated classrooms in our previous district as typical peer models, and I was told that they would be in those classes before school started. I would assume that you also would notify the parents of the classroom status, shouldn't they be prepared for this type of service around their children?"

CSE Chair and Principal- "We will not take away from the time dedicated for the curriculum for music therapy."

Me- "If you don't have 30 minutes a week to take away from the curriculum then I think that the curriculum needs to be rethought."

Start the knee nudges from the hubby.

(Remember I was strongly encouraged to advocate for this service by many people, including the district psychologist and one of the district's speech therapist's)

CSE Chair- "There is no way to have push-in music therapy.  If you want it for Leah, then she will have to have it 1:1 pulled out."

Me- "Well, what else can we take away then. Not having MT is not an option and she is already pulled out a lot?"

Knee nudge.

We start to go over her plan and almost have 1 physical therapy pushed into her gym class, but it doesn't feel right.

Me- "I think this is a sticking point. Maybe I need to end the meeting, do my research on music therapy, and hire an advocate.  Music therapy is essential to Leah's development."

CSE Chair- "If that's what you feel you need to do…"

Me- "The reason I want Leah's MT to be pushed in is for her social skills.  Yes, those skills are her best, but she still has a hard time initiating play with her peers. MT helps her learn to share, communicate, and take turns.  Is this not an issue for all kindergartners?  How would this not help the entire class?"

Then the speech therapist (SLP) who would be working with Leah speaks up!

SLP- "What if I coteach with the MT during one of Leah's small groups? I think it would be great for all of those children, and I would be willing to do that… I would love to do that."

Blood pressure lowering, voice becoming steady, face color returning to normal.

Me- "I think that's a great idea!"

CSE Chair- "If you would be willing to coteach, then I think we can do that. I will have some work to do to find a therapist, but I will get on it."

And we're done.

Whoo hoo!!!

It's not exactly what I was looking for, but it is a start.

It was a very good compromise.

I am glad we stuck to it.

I'm glad I didn't give up.

I'm grateful for a team who was willing to find a way to satisfy everyone's concerns.

Sometimes it's best to keep fighting even when your unfavorable emotions come out, and even sometimes when your husband keeps nudging you to quit.

I felt the spirit with me when I explained why I wanted Leah to have MT in a group setting.  That same spirit must have touched everyone else in the room as well because there was an undeniable calm suddenly present.Only after I explained my reasons, was a compromise made.

Maybe those prayers are working.

Here's to a great kindergarten year for my sweetie.