Monday, April 2, 2012

Her soul IS great.

Today is one of THOSE days.

Actually, it started yesterday after watching a talk from Robert A. Rasband, President of the Seventy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You can watch it here.

The talk is about the greatness of souls. It talks about the burdens of parenting a child with special needs, and the beauty of parenting a child with special needs. But, you can watch it and see for yourself. You will probably get your own interpretation because that’s how these talks work. This is just my own reaction to what I heard spoken to me.

Anyway, the talk began by making me realize how very blessed we are that Leah is so healthy and is doing so remarkably.

Then I switched gears and started thinking, No, this actually kinda sucks. Why does MY kid have to have Down syndrome…

Next came…

Why did Heavenly Father send her to us, why does SHE have to struggle so much?

If people who are born with, or develop disabilities are so magnificent in the eyes of heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, why do they have to experience so much hardship?


That was what I felt next.

Grateful for all of the love that has been shown to us.

Grateful for the service we have been given that I am not sure I will ever be able to repay.

Grateful for the support that amazes us.

Grateful for the spirit that is guiding us.

Grateful for the gospel and the strength it has given me.

After the talk was over, I started the whole process again.

I cried.

I whined.

I questioned.

I argued.

I realized.

I understood.

This talk drew so many emotions in me, which I really needed to feel.

But those emotions aren’t always fun.

They hurt.

Today, Leah has her last IFSP review.

Today, I will go through these emotions probably another 100 times.

But through all of it…

I KNOW Leah is blessed.

I KNOW we are blessed.

I KNOW the worth of her soul is great.

I KNOW Heavenly Father is with us.

I KNOW we have heavenly messengers around us who have done more for my family in the past 2 ½ years than most people have experienced in their lifetime’s.

I KNOW one day Leah’s body will fit the perfection of her soul.

I KNOW this was all part of a plan that’s bigger than me.

I KNOW it’s going to be ok.

(But sometimes I wish I didn’t need to know it all.)