Inspired

Last week was tough!

Holy Moly!

But this week is MUCH better.

Thank Goodness.

I was talking to Steven one night about my emotions.

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that Down syndrome hits me so hard, just
out of the blue.

Anyway, I was talking about my concerns with the teacher, and not being able to give
Leah the best that she deserves, and worrying about how I will do it on my own, and...

He was obviously over my whining and really didn't want to hear anymore of it.

That made me sad.

I couldn't understand why he would be so cold towards me when I was so upset.

Steven is an amazing husband and father.

He's the kind of man who makes me feel perfect even on my very worst day.

This reaction wasn't like him.

Then he said, "Jennifer you're an amazing mother."

"You're amazing to all of our children, including Leah."

"Our children are the way they are because you are such a great mother."

"You just naturally know what to do for them and they all benefit from it."

"Stop worrying about things that you have no control over and just be Leah's mom."

"She will be amazing just like the other kids, just because you're her mom."

Maybe those aren't his EXACT words but that's the gist of it.

Yep, I'm a lucky girl, I know.

So, I've been trying to take the compliments to heart.

I don't think that I'm that great of a mom.

He gives me more credit then I deserve, but my kids are pretty fabulous so we must be doing something right.

Then, yesterday Leah's PT was here and he was tapping her hands and feet very rapidly. I asked him why he did that. He said because it helps to wake up her nerves and will help stimulate her resting responses a little because she was being pretty floppy.

She was responding well to the stimulation and he said, "She seems to like it."

Then I said, "I do that all the time. I don't know why I do it, but she loves it when I do."

I've never done this tapping thing with any of my other kids.

It's just something I started with Leah.

No one else has ever done it with her either.

Until now.

Maybe Steven's on to something.

Maybe Heavenly Father is equipping us with the instincts we need to parent Leah.

Maybe I need to have more confidence in myself and not worry too much about the therapists.

Not that I don't appreciate them.

If it wasn't for her PT I wouldn't know why I was doing the things I was.

I love the extra knowledge they give me and their support is irreplaceable.

But I think I need to have more confidence in Heavenly Father and rely more on His knowledge and blessings, and less concern over what I'm not doing.

I love my family.

I especially love Steven.

He is more then I deserve.

He is more inspired then he realizes.

He is more inspiring then he knows.

Yep, you can all be jealous! ;)

I wish I could change...

These stupid emotions!

The other day was a tough Down syndrome day.

It's the strangest thing , the way these emotions pop up.

Literally, one second I'm looking at my sweet princess and I'm in awe of how
incredible she is.

The next minute, I'm in tears for fear of her future.

I think the fact that I felt out of control of her therapies triggered my worry.

I just want what's best for her and I was scared that she wasn't going to get it.

So, for the first time in many months, I was crying for my cutie pie.

Dangit.

I'm all better now.

We will be getting a new teacher.

And, I am going to explain my expectations from our first meeting, so we are both on the same page.

Maybe then we won't have such a conflict.

I'm happy that the past few days are behind me

This roller coaster ride of emotions is the only part of this whole Down syndrome thing that I would change.

Lost

Well, we had to fire our first teacher in our new county.

Which wouldn't bother me too much if there were more then TWO teachers in this county!

She wasn't a bad teacher, just not right for us.

She didn't have much experience with Down syndrome and I believe she didn't think Leah could succeed.

We all know otherwise.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's the way I feel and I had to go with my intuition.

And, I don't have the patience, or time to waste, to prove Leah's abilities to anyone.

I need someone to teach me what the next steps are, not someone who needs me to teach them the learning styles which are typical of individuals with Down syndrome.

In my opinion, a special education teacher should have that knowledge already.

People with Down syndrome tend to thrive with repetition, consistency, and time to process.

At least Leah does.

And to me, it makes sense that most would, because of synapse speed and connections in the brain.

Anyway, no matter how many times I told her teacher that Leah could do something if you just give her a second to process, she wouldn't listen.

Leah has always amazed and impressed any professional who has, or has not, had experience with Down syndrome, because they gave her a chance to amaze and impress them.

I didn't get this feeling from her teacher.

It was like she was just looking for Leah to fail.

Our last IFSP evaluation had Leah at a mild to moderate delay and that was only so we could continue services at their current levels.

That doesn't sound like a kid who failed to me.

Leah does have some delay, don't get me wrong.

But with proper teaching techniques, she works past the delay and catches up quickly.

So we needed a change.

But, now we don't have a teacher at all!

I'm not second-guessing my decision because I prayed about it and that's what I needed to do, but darn it!

I miss our old therapists so much! (I should say previous, not old... ;))

They taught me so much.

They encouraged me so much.

They had strong faith in Leah.

When we were with them I knew Leah was in the best hands there were.

Loosing a teacher just takes away one more resource to rely on.

Her other therapists are great resources, it just feels like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.

Make sense?

Leah's previous teacher did recommend a HELP (Hawaii Early Learning Profile) activity guide that would help supplement Leah's therapists in case we didn't have services for a while.

But, I'm a visual/hand's on learner.

I need to watch it done so I can do it myself.

I read the activities in the manual and they make sense, but when I go to implement those activities, they just don't seem to work.

I feel lost.

My baby deserves the best and I feel like a failure because I know she's not getting it.

I don't want her to fall behind because I can't teach her or because I don't know what skills come next.

She is SO smart.

But, she needs help.

She can't do it on her own.

And, neither can I. :'(