Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Wandering and Wondering

With our recent experiences dealing with discrimination towards Leah at church, my mind has wandered and wondered...

I wandered to the days of my youth as a Catholic school girl.  I remembered the love and spirit I felt by the leaders of my school; the leadership of my church; the leaders of my family; who were all "good" Catholics.

I wondered if I should go back to the comfort and security I felt there.

I wandered to the lives my friends experience, all of who are good Christian women and whom love the Lord with all of their hearts.

I wondered if maybe we would be more accepted by the leadership in their churches.

I wandered back to the days of my conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I remembered the feelings which were so new to me then.  I remembered the love which suddenly engulfed my soul.  

I wondered if I would ever have that feeling again.

These past months have not only been trying because I have witnessed such inappropriate behavior towards my daughter, they have been a huge test of my faith.

And I made it! :)

I feel stronger then I ever have!

Our leadership has given me the closure I needed.  They have admitted their wrongs, apologized, and have promised to work as hard as they can to make things right, so this never happens to another child or family. 

I believe they are sincere and things will be better. 


We will move on to another building.  We need to continue strengthening our family and we feel the best place to do that is somewhere else.  While our home building strengthens itself, we will wait and grow where we can focus on ourselves and not others. 

But that's not the point of this post.

As I spent all of that time wandering and wondering, much of my focus was on why?

Why did this happen?

Why wouldn't anyone listen?

Why was I so hurt?

Why MY daughter discriminated against?

Why me?

I think I have part of the puzzle figured out or at least I am finding a few pieces which will comfort me...

Maybe this needed to happen so I could give a voice to others who didn't have the courage to fight for themselves.

Maybe this needed to happen so I could grow my bond with my husband (this experience has strengthened my marriage in a way I can't begin to explain).

Maybe this needed to happen so I could become reconverted to my church.

Maybe this needed to happen so my children could learn.  Maybe they will need to remember this experience to get them through a difficult time in their lives.

Maybe this needed to happen so my entire family could be reconverted. 

Maybe we belong in the other ward for some reason.


But I am stronger today than I was before any of this happened. 

Isn't that reason enough?

I have learned to never give up, no matter how easy it is or how hard you 
have  to fight.

I have learned that I can not let anyone take my testimony away, regardless of how horrible they may treat me or my child.  If that means finding a new building to practice my faith in, I will do it.   I love Heavenly Father too much to give up on Him.

I have learned that sometimes you have to teach those who you think should be teaching you.  Just because someone is an "authority" does not mean they do have all of the right answers and they may need your guidance.

If you see something wrong, say something!  If you don't say something, nothing will change.  But be kind.

Sometimes you have to hurt feelings to make things right. 

Always fight for your children.  Let no person intimidate you, no matter what his/her position is in your life, or your children's lives.

Being approachable isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Learn from your experiences and let your lessons define you, not just your experiences.

Take a stand and stick to it.

Don't let anyone silence you.

Have courage. 

Never be bitter.

Make peace.

Stay strong.

Have faith.